I was reading to my youngest child, Shel Silverstein’s classic book, The Giving Tree, and in a moment of epiphany, I realized that the advice that I wish someone had shared with me was “Don’t Be The Stump!” 

I am a card-carrying member of the “martyr-mother club.” You may have heard of us. We give up all of our personal interests, time, sleep, love life, beauty, and some days even hygiene because we are so dedicated to meeting every single need that our child might have. We smile smugly as we open our giant carry-on bags filled with crayons, first aid supplies, juice boxes, change of clothes and highway flares. After five years of organized play dates, and nonstop fun, it is now time for my oldest to leave the nest and go out into the cold, cruel world. (Ok, it’s only kindergarten!)

I now realize that while knocking myself out to give my child “everything,” I didn’t understand what he really needed.

I am an educated, type-A, career driven women. When I decided to be a stay-at-home mom, I put all of that drive and energy into my family. (Lucky them!)  I read all the parenting books, spent a lot of time working on behavior charts, caring and sharing, honesty and respect, - I did the hard work. But now I realize my fatal flaw. I “over-mothered” my child and now he expects the whole world to revolve around him!

When I say “over-mother,” I am not referring to the basic love, care and devotion that all children deserve.  I am talking about the self imposed pressure that we, as moms, put on ourselves to go that extra mile for our children at all times.  Like keeping that spare Beta fish twin who secretly lives in the coat closet, just in case the beloved family pet should decide to swim “towards the light.” 

Why did I always pick up after him? I wish I had said “you can get your own juice box” once in a while. I know this sounds like a big “duh!” Everyone knows disappointment and struggle builds character and creates drive. Now I must somehow reverse all of the damage I have done, and subject my child to as much frustration, disappointment, and hard labor over the summer so that I can make him resilient enough to meet the demands of the real world.

I thought about trying my own scaled down version of “The Great Race” where I would leave my five year old at the grocery store with four dollars, a juice box, a small bag of pretzels and see how long it takes him to make it home. Then it occurred to me. He is only five. I still have time to mould him into the conscientious, hard working husband that every woman deserves. 

Like a fine tuned athlete, we moms have a long race to run. It’s okay to take off the Supermom cape once in a while and not feel guilty about it. To give what is reasonable, but keep a little for yourself. It turns out, that it is healthier for mom and child. So as of today, I will promise myself that I will not become a stump. After all, stumps can’t go anywhere or do anything fun once the children are gone - because they have nothing left.