Once in the mail I received an advertisement for the grand opening of a vacation club and resort in Florida.  In the brochure phrases like "escape to a world of enchantment," "comforts and conveniences," "excitement and adventure" and "reward yourself" were used.   In contrast to that, recently in church I heard a quote* saying "the teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life."  Based on those selling points, some might wonder why we choose to be parents instead of living a life of resorts and relaxation.  Don't we know what we are getting ourselves into?
 
In my case, I had always planned on being a mother, and I had not grown up taking luxurious vacations, so maybe I didn't know what I was missing.  At first, I believed in some ways my childhood was a training ground for parenting, and that I had learned how to be a parent by being a kid, and by watching my own parents.  In some respects, you might say I got a "bonus" education when my mother had a baby when I was in high school.  I was old enough to really watch and observe the care of young children at an age where I would have the benefit of remembering it for future reference.
 
Once I actually entered motherhood, I was riding on those observations and that confidence and I really should not have counted on it.  When I tried to change my own baby's diaper in the hospital for the first time, I swear I had no idea what I was doing.  My husband and I stood there watching the nurse wheel the whole bassinet away with our baby in it to clean up the mess we made.  We stood there frazzled and I secretly wondered why on earth they would be discharging us with that innocent little baby.  I guess I didn't watch my mother as closely as I thought.
 
Still, the other observations we made growing up are more important than we might think.  Whether we want to admit it or not, our parents taught us how to be parents.  It doesn't mean we will do it the same way, but they did teach us the basics and many valuable lessons that are timeless.  However, in some cases I think what they taught us is now a little outdated, or they just didn't know everything themselves to teach us.  There are many "survival" techniques the modern mother has to learn to get by, and I promise our mothers knew nothing about them.  In this day and age we have to seek out information and resources to keep up with the modern world.
 
For example, the advice my mother gave me on house cleaning still generally applies, like sweeping hard floors and vacuuming carpet at the same time, dusting from the top down, and cleaning the mirrors last in the bathroom.  However, she didn't teach me exactly how often to change the Swiffer pad when "mopping" my floors, or how to operate 8 different remote controls and all the electronic equipment they go with just to put on a movie for an impatient toddler, or how to troubleshoot a video game console before your child and the neighbor kid get bored waiting and start throwing a football inside the house.
 
Most of us learned that we should balance our checking account using the bank provided checkbook register by hand, but my mother was not able to show me how to keep track of not only checks, but ATM and debit transactions as well when you and your husband each have debit cards and checkbooks to the same account.  She never knew how to pay bills online, or how to price-check and read reviews on consumer products using the internet, or how to upload and order digital photo prints with a credit card and still keep her identity safe.
 
However, my mother knew that it was important to give us chores and responsibilities to teach us work ethic.  I laugh now at how I thought she was making me do "everything" when my chores were to unload or load the dishwasher, keep my room clean, and dust and vacuum weekly.  At the time I had no respect for all the other tasks that were left for her to do as the mother, and someday I would be doing in my own house for my own family: the shopping, the cooking, the laundry, keeping up with doctor's and dentist's checkups, registration for school and after school programs, keeping track of car maintenance, annual portraits, holiday cards, and trust me, I can go on, and on, and on.
 
I think it is practical to learn practical things that we never formally learned how to do or even needed until we became parents, like how to clean a wound, take a temperature, when to call the doctor, and most important, how to stay awake later than your 1 year old (after all, I don't get two naps each day).  However, one thing I know now that I didn't know before I became a parent is that as a mother I am naturally equipped to rely on my instincts, utilize resources around me, and simply be a good mom.  Don't get me wrong, this is still a lot of work, and no one is perfect, but it is worth it and the children themselves are usually the only reward I need.  I think it was very important that my mother always gave her children the impression that she wanted to be our mother and there was nothing else she'd rather be doing, no matter how hard it got.  My mother demonstrated unconditional love for her children, and I have also learned from experience there is no other way.
 
I come from a big and healthy family, but my first and only child was diagnosed with Leukemia before his first birthday.  In a short time, I learned more about what I am capable of as a mother than I ever dreamed possible.  I never expected my life to be perfect, but I think I always thought I could keep my child's life perfect, at least for a while.  I just couldn't protect him from this and I was called to duty as a mother to deal with the situation.  There is no way I could've prepared for that, but I believe I knew what to do because that's what comes with motherhood.  That instinct is a gift, and it didn't let me down when I needed it most.
 
I think the biggest observation I've had from my personal experience as a mother is that it took a crisis or challenge to give me the understanding I have now about what is most important in my life.  I think I've gained perspective and direction for my own life that I would've never gotten had everything been "daisies and dandelions" raising my child.  I have learned that there are many amazing mothers out there who were my examples, not just my own mother.  In my case, those other examples were my husband's mother, my son's nurses, his doctors, his therapists, and mothers of other children with cancer, and all of these women were there telling me I could get through it, and I did.  There is a wealth of knowledge around us in each other, and I've found that leveraging that is crucial in getting through life's challenges.  The eye-opening crisis we are all bound to have with our children won't always be a serious illness, but there will surely be something, and when it happens we do not have to suffer through it alone.   There is an unwritten understanding between mothers – you just do what you have to do for your kids, and sometimes we just need to hear someone else tell us that in order to summon the strength to do it and carry it through.
 
It has already been a long journey for me, and really it is just beginning.  I often day dream of the get-away vacations like the brochure I got in the mail for the vacation club and resort.  I can imagine people there without a worry in the world lounging around at these resorts, "escaping to a world of enchantment", and some days I would do anything to trade places with them.  But seriously, is there such a thing?  Are there really people out there without a care in the world?  Of course not, and if the brochure sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  Motherhood though – that's the real thing, and it really is worth it, "intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, hard work" and all.
 
* Quote from James E. Faust in a talk entitled "A Thousand Threads of Love".

 
Now officially in her 30's, Jennifer is still steadying herself on the continuously rocky path of motherhood with only one child who was diagnosed with Leukemia as an infant.  Originally from Colorado, Jennifer and her family currently live in New Jersey.  She has a degree in Petroleum Engineering and for nearly 5 years has been working from home as a software consultant for oil and gas companies.   Through email and her son's webpage, Jennifer keeps in touch with friends and family across the country utilizing technology to stay close when thousands of miles separate her from her nearest relative.  Her hobbies include digital photography, photo editing, digital scrap booking, and music.  Someday she hopes to have more time to read and get regular exercise outdoors.  In the mean time, chasing an active 2 year old seems to be the aerobic exercise of opportunity.