Hmm!  That is an interesting statement.  Being a mother of four grown children and grandmother of three teenagers, this has really given me food for thought ever since Kat sent me her email about MOTHERING HEIGHTS.
 
Moms don't go to school to be parents.  Being 68, I have garnered a wealth of information and a lifetime of stories.  In high school and in college, I always said I wanted a baseball team, 9 boys and a girl to be the batboy.  How sexist was that!   After having my first child my mind changed in a nanosecond!  I became fertile Myrtle, and in four and a half years produced three children, before coming up for air. Five years after the first three, I went to the doctor to go back on the PILL.  He told me I would be able to in nine months.  That rocked my world, and after number 4 was born, I ended the possibility of having any more children.
 
I found that changing three diapers was as easy as changing one.  I learned that two children got into more trouble than one –  finger painting the kitchen floor with iodine, dancing naked on the sun porch roof, starting fires; dialing 911 to see what would happen; throwing snowballs at police cars.  I discovered that I could walk out of a grocery store unembarrassed, leaving a full cart of food sitting there, when one of the kids threw a tantrum.  I remember the total fear of not being able to find one of my children, even if it was for a split second.  I recall my helplessness and fear when my son got badly bitten by a dog; when my daughter, while riding on her bike, got hit by a car; on learning that one of my kids had floated out to sea, and had to be rescued; or the several times my teenagers were in car accidents or a policeman showed up at our door.  Did I expect any of this before I had children?  Did I even think that these things would happen on my watch?  The answer is a resounding, “NO!”
 
Keeping the cookie jar full, reading lots of books, looking for tadpoles, putting up with snakes and turtles and any number of cats and dogs and mice and guinea pigs and hamsters, became a way of life. Kids running in and out of the house, some mine, some their friends.  I expected that.  What I didn't expect was how gut wrenching it was to listen to my child scream “MOMMY” when a doctor was putting in stitches; when my child came to me with hurt feelings; when they didn't get picked for a team; when on a team, they didn't score or missed a ball or didn't make a save; when they didn’t get invited to a birthday party; or when one of them got teased by “friends”.
 
Thinking back on those years, the most amazing thing I learned was that I was able to juggle a multitude of tasks at the same time.  What is now called “multi-tasking” was something that all of my friends and I did without even thinking about it.  My daughter Kat calls it being a “super-mom.”  I don’t know that I would go that far, but it became second nature.  Besides being a household engineer, I volunteered at the elementary school, I was a Brownie/Girl Scout leader, I worked for Democratic candidates, I actively participated in town meetings.  A bunch of us formed a book group, and read a wide variety of books and supported each other with love and laughter.  Was I am expecting to do all of this, or more importantly be able to do all of this, with four children?  I truly never gave it a thought.  
 
There were some things that I did, because my mother had done them for her children.  Instilling a love for nature and everything it encompasses. Having respect for all of mankind.   Insisting that each child learn to play an instrument, if only for one year.  Introducing them to the fine arts: music, plays, musicals, and art.  Encouraging them to take ballet, sing in a choir, act in a play or a musical, be in a band.  As I was taught the love of books, I passed that down to my children, reading to them daily, and encouraging them to read by themselves, and also encouraging them to write.
 
At the same time, I wanted them to learn responsibility.  While they were in grade school, there was a chart on the refrigerator, and everyone had chores to do each day and each week; washing or drying dishes, setting the table (we ate together as a family most every night), sweeping the kitchen floor, folding clothes, emptying the garbage, feeding the animals, and on and on.  In payment, they would get an allowance – not much, but it was theirs to spend as they wished.  Did I dream of this happening Before Children (BC)?  No.
 
I think I must have said this a hundred times to all four of them -  “For every action, there is a consequence.”  I reminded them that whenever they were around other people to remember that they were representing the Williams family.   I also told them that they could do anything they wanted to do, IF they wanted it badly enough, and to shoot for the stars.   I also told them, and still do, that I loved them very much.
Suddenly I had no more teenagers.  They had left the nest.  At one time or another all of them fell on their tushes and struggled to get up, but get up they did, and managed to get to the other side of the mountain.  I know now, with great joy, that I have four wonderful adult children of whom I am very proud, who are loving, kind, generous, respectful, responsible people.  Individuals who are aware of others and do good works on a continuous basis; who care about our world and our environment; who are very artistic – writers, painters, crafters, photographers, musicians; who are involved in their communities; who are good parents and providers; who have a love of learning and call books their friends.  Did I think about these thing BC – no, I didn't even give it thought.
 
This then is my legacy.  This is what I know now.  Thank you Frank, Siobhan, Kat and Phil.  I love you very much.  MOM
 
LEARN TO LOVE
 YOURSELF!
 THEN SEND THAT LOVE
 THROUGHOUT THE WORLD!