Ask Mothering Heights

Invitation to 'Mother Love'

Christine Fugate — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 04:58:22 +0000

A Night at the Movies: Cupcakes & Coffee with Cafe Sisters Productions

Thursday, May 6, 7:00PM

The Woman's Club
286 St. Ann's Drive
Laguna Beach, CA 92651 US

You and your loved ones are invited to a screening of the award-winning film "Mother Love." Cafe Sisters Producers, Christine Fugate and Eren McGinnis, are reuniting in honor of Mother's Day to screen their film that explores the complex relationship between four mothers and daughters. The film screened across the country at festivals, winning a Chris Award at the Columbus Film Festival.

A discussion with Eren and Christine will follow the film. As well as delicious treats, coffee and wine.

A suggested donation of $10 will benefit Human Options, an Orange County organization that helps battered women and their families. The screening of 'grief becomes me' raised enough money to establish a scholarship fund for a single mother to LCAD, so thank you! The scholarship will be presented to LCAD at this event.

There will also some fabulous raffles. Bring in a picture of you and your mom and receive a FREE raffle ticket. Here are some of our prizes:

1. A Mother's Day Gift Bag by FROCs (Friends of Cathryn Supporting Kids with Cancer)

2. Cahooties: The Future is in your Hands!

3. A MOPS Mommy Gift Basket

Delcious cupcakes & cookies by Lisa Pitz of Dizz's As Is will be served along with coffee, tea, champagne and wine.

I look forward to seeing you, your family and friends at the screening.

Bath Tub Photos Spoil the Fun

Christine Fugate — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 05:28:09 +0000

Dear Mothering Heights,

With the [Demaree] family losing their children to Child Protective Services [for two weeks] for printing bath time pictures of their babies at Wal-Mart, is this something we should be concerned about? Should we resist taking pictures of them in the bath?

Ashley H
Black Hills, SD

Dear Ashley,

Nothing like a family vacation to San Diego, a few pics of the kids in the bathtub and then boom--Wal-mart turns you into Arizona Child Protective Services and your children are taken away. Talk about post-vacation blues. Eventually, all charges were dropped and the kids were reunited with their parents, but what a nightmare! The Demaree family is now suing Wal-mart and the State of Arizona for what I am sure will be a sum worthy of a six-month vacation at the Montage.

So, feel free to take all the pictures you want of your kids, just don’t take them to a store for processing. Wal-mart has an ‘unsuitable print policy’ that allows them to police your photos. I am sure most photo processing places have similar policies. Honestly though, do you want other people and possible weirdoes checking out your family photos? If you want to do the cute baby in the bath pictures, invest in a photo printer. In the long run, it’s cheaper and worth the peace of mind.

Spoiled Kids and Icky Parents

Christine Fugate — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 05:23:48 +0000

[The following questions were submitted on Facebook, on the same day and in succession.]

What do you do when you can't stand your kid's (spoiled and icky) best friend, although you do like his parents?

Eloise P.
Los Alamitos, CA

What does one do when they don't like either the parents or the spoiled kid?

Mom of Four
Laguna Beach, CA

What do you do when you have the spoiled kid and nobody likes the kid or you?

Thelma Adams
Hyde Park, NY

Dear Eloise, Mom of Four, and Thelma,

Wow! Like Rodney King said, “Can we all get along?” But, no we can’t because there are spoiled kids who boss your kid around and obnoxious parents who encourage them to do so. As for Eloise’s dislike of her daughter’s best friend, try to organize play dates at your house so you can put the kibosh on the friend’s bad behavior. According to Lisa Gaché at Beverly Hills Manners, “It is perfectly okay to discipline other children when they are under your watch and under your roof.” If your kids are older, offer to drive them places so you can see exactly what behaviors you don’t like. Then talk to your daughter in detail about what’s acceptable behavior.

Since Eloise likes the parents, perhaps make a light comment to the parents about their daughter’s bad behavior. You could piss off the parents, which may not be such a bad thing, especially if you are Mom of Four who doesn’t like the kid or the parents.

Mom of Four, perhaps it’s best to nip that friendship in the bud and encourage your daughter to make new friends. You could take a cue from Thelma and her dilemma of being the un-likables. Why not invite the spoiled child and parents over for a barbeque? Cook up a tuna casserole, put on your day old clothes and tell bad jokes. Who knows? The family might suddenly become incredibly busy. If that doesn’t work for you, I would reduce contact to school only events.

As for Thelma’s predicament, being the family no one likes can have its advantages. Your social schedule is simple, allowing for more family time. It might be a good idea though to enroll in an etiquette courses or find a new set of friends who are more in synch with you and your family.

Navigating the parental social scene can be extremely stressful. If words aren’t getting the job done, get out the camera and take a few pictures. There’s nothing like a photo to convey a thousand words or so. Just don’t get it developed at Wal-mart and risk losing more than your friends.

Amelia rocks for our girls!

Christine Fugate — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:24:46 +0000

My gfriend and film critic Thelma Adams gives a good analysis of the movie Amelia. I so want to seeit!

Why 'Amelia' Can Make Kids Brave

Guest Columnist: Tatiana Blackington

Christine Fugate — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:52:02 +0000

Don't miss Tatiana's hilarious essay on the most extravagant birthday party ever!

Pirate Booty and Caviar

Thelma Adam's on "Whip It"

Christine Fugate — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 02:56:10 +0000

I love this post by Thelma Adams (my favorite girl crush). Don't you just want to hang out with her every day and go see movies, drink coffee and discuss?

Seeing 'Whip It' From a Mom's Perspective

And I am so envious that she got to meet the director of Motherhood. I can't wait to see that movie on October 23rd!

Goodbye Dark Circles

Christine Fugate — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:41:58 +0000

Dear Mothering Heights,

Now that my kids are school-aged and have been sleeping through the night for a couple years, I was truly hoping my sleep-deprived, dark-circled eyes would once again look bright and youthful. I've tried creams, more sleep and less wine but they still persist. Is there anything a 40 something mother of two can do to look younger with out surgery or always wearing my hip enormous sunglasses?

Black-eyed mom
Laguna Beach

Dear Black-eyed Mom,

There are only two things to help the aging thin skin around the eye: make-up and good lighting. Years ago, I was on television and had a ‘camera ready foundation’ slathered on my face. That stuff covers everything! (Smashbox makes a good one.) Overhead lighting is your enemy. Go with frontal lighting for the best look. Rumor has it that Mae West’s house was filled with pink spotlights so she always looked fabulous. Why not train the kids to run around with a flashlight on you? They owe you. No one ever pushed out a baby without a growing a wrinkle or a large pimple of parental insanity.

When to get cell phone?

Christine Fugate — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:40:45 +0000

Dear Mothering Heights,
Although my children, ages 4 and 6, are years away from needing or getting a cell phone, they have started asking! I keep telling them they need to learn to read first. But soon they will be reading and I will need to come up with a better answer. I'm thinking it would be a nice high school graduation present?

Too Soon for Tech
Laguna Beach, CA

Dear Too Soon for Tech,

Thanks to the mom who gave her six-year old an Iphone, I have been dealing with this dilemma for years. When my eight year old started doing an after school activity and had to take a new bus, I caved and loaned her my phone in case she needed to call home. Of course, this led to the acquisition of a family phone for sleepovers and after school activities. I have stressed that this is not their phone and is to be used only for emergencies. Obviously, that talk worked well. Last week, my seven year old was on the school bus texting her friends.

When will my kids have their own phone? When they can help pay for it with either an allowance or job. I am afraid of the whole texting during homework, dinner and bedtime dilemma. If I had had a phone when I was a teenager, my grades would have been horrific.

Why not move the cell phone deadlines up to when they can drive? By then, cell phone technology will surely involve a chip in the head with a three-way speaker for efficient eavesdropping.

Jailed for Bad School Lunches

Christine Fugate — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:38:45 +0000

Dear Mothering Heights,

If my kids starve to "death" because they don't like my lunches, am I legally liable?

Tricia
Laguna Beach, CA

Dear Tricia,

As long as it’s not a recycled sandwich you are fine, but what do I know? I once drove in the carpool lane without any other passengers and got a nasty ticket. I contacted my smart, lawyer friend Josh Wolff who laid down the law: “You are held to the standard of a “reasonably prudent parent” – not that one exists. A reasonably prudent parent would likely foresee that lunches uneaten over a long enough time would eventually lead to the child’s malnourishment, starvation, and inevitable death. Thus, you would be liable. Of course, you could always plead ‘not guilty’ by reason of parental insanity.”

Parental insanity is a fabulous plea, and frankly I don’t know why I didn’t use it for my carpool lane infraction! As for your lunch situation, tell those kids to buck up or Mommy is going to jail. Then not only will they have to make their own lunches, but clean the toilet, too. In fact, why not start today and have them make their own lunch? Any reasonable prudent parent would agree that a messy kitchen post-lunch preparation is better than the County mess hall.

Naptime Madness

Christine Fugate — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:33:40 +0000

Dear Mothering Heights,

My daughter is two and half years old and recently started climbing out of her crib at night. We put her in a toddler bed but she won’t take a nap now. I am spending over an hour fighting with her to go down and end up feeling angry. Should I just give up and forget her afternoon nap?

Frustrated
Los Angeles, CA

Dear Frustrated,

The hair on the back of my neck stands up just thinking about your situation. My solution was to put my youngest daughter in extended preschool, so they could put her down for a nap. Nothing like peer pressure to make those eyes close. If I had it to do it over, I would remove everything from her room, put up a gate so you can see her, and set the timer for an hour. Explain to your daughter that she needs to lie down in bed and rest. Go sit in the other room and curl up with a cup of tea and People magazine. If all else fails, head to park. There might a hot dad there to distract you for a few minutes during your sleepless afternoon.