The Palin Illusion

At the last debate, John McCain called Sarah Palin "a role model for women and reformers all over America." I have to admit when I heard that Palin went back to work three days after her son Trig was born, I was amazed. Even though we are the same age, she was obviously a stronger woman than I.

Patricia Neerman, whose husband is the chairman of the Dallas County Democratic Party, seemed to agree when she told the Dallas Morning News, "Women are all looking for someone who can kind of have it all. I think it will definitely help invigorate women who might have been apathetic or on the fence."

I have struggled with the idea of having it all throughout my career as a film producer and director. After getting my first film into theaters in 2000, I became pregnant. In an important meeting at a well-known talent agency, a manager showed me the script for "Sweet Home Alabama" and told me I would be perfect to direct it. As I sat in his office hiding my bulging belly, I wondered 'Can I do it all?'

My body answered that question with an affirmative 'no.' After giving birth, my right hip was so inflamed that I couldn't walk. I had to stay home for the first few months and heal. After that, I decided to work part-time so I could spend time with my baby.

Most women who don't work outside the home aren't apathetic or on the fence. They have made a choice to put their family first. With the turn of the economy, we may have to head back to work, that is, if we can afford the childcare and transportation. As we try to do it all, a sacrifice takes place somewhere along the line.

As I look at Sarah Palin and her family, I calculate her sacrificial toll. It's not fair to judge her by her teenagers. We all know that having a pregnant 17-year-old daughter and a son charged with vandalizing school property can happen to the most well-intentioned families.

The child that bothers me the most is baby Trig who gets passed to the younger children every time Palin steps off the plane or begins a speaking engagement. Doesn't he need special care and attention so early in his life? Just show me a nanny or an occupational therapist and I will stop losing sleep.

When I discussed this with a mom friend, she accused me of using a double standard. "You wouldn't say that about a man."

"Yes, I would," I replied. If I knew of a father who had a pregnant teenage daughter, a baby born with Down's Syndrome and two young daughters, I would encourage him to work less for a few years and spend some time with his family.

"Exactly," she said. "Her husband is a stay at home dad, taking care of the children."

This is completely false. Todd Palin is not only on the campaign trail with Palin daily, but also works for BP and as a commercial fisherman. Moreover, I have not seen him hold the baby once at their various stump stops.

I admire Sarah Palin's strength to pursue the vice presidency while having a family; however, I worry about her children. But who am I to criticize her choices? Have I become a part of a familyfirst mommy-mafia backlash?

One thing I do know is that Sarah Palin has created an illusion that doing it all is possible. No nanny, no babysitter, no grandmother necessary. Perhaps there is help behind the scenes but why have we only heard about her wardrobe and make-up artist, and not the childcare? To me, a role model is someone who shows us that mothers can work and take care of the family but with the help of the village.

Moreover, we don't need to be invigorated or hop off any fences in regards to the amount of work we do at home or in the workplace. We need to relinquish perfection, ask for help when we need it and remember that we can have it all, just not at the same time.

Comments

[Former Banker]

I couldn't agree with you more, Christine. In addition to the circumstances you've described, the other thing that bothers me is the story of her traveling from Texas to Alaska to give birth to Trig (she was 8+ months pregnant, flew to Texas anyway to speak at a governors' conference, early stages of labor started while there, she flew back to ALaska and gave birth within hours). If that's the judgment she exercises for life's most critical events, please don't let her near the WHITE HOUSE.

[Sally Atwell Williams]

When Sarah Palin first opened her mouth, I was offended. And that reaction has not changed one iota. I was irate when I heard she had a four month old son. Regardless of whether or not her husband is a house husband or works, a four month old baby needs his mom 24/7. And a baby born with a disability needs his mom even more, if that is possible. I have a good friend who is a grandmother of a down's syndrome child, and her son and daughter-in-law began networking with other parents of down's syndrome children while their son was inutero (sp).. When the baby was born, they had everything in place; mom stayed home with the baby; they kept in touch with the other parents; relatives were educated, etc. Her grandson is now 13, and a wonderful young man.
Sarah Palin belongs at home with her baby and children, not running around the country, making inane statemnts about things she really knows nothing about.

[Tracy]

Thank you for such a great article. In my heart and head I was asking the same questions. As a working mom of 3 children I've made career choices that would keep my family intact. And when my work took extra time I sang the praises of grandma, friends and a nanny. It was annoying to me that not at one stump speech or interview did Palin thank her village of support. One must wonder. Is Palin all about Sarah?
I love First Lady Obama's comment regarding her role at the White House. Mommy first!!!
Tracy