A Tale of Two Suitcases
Sunday, August 1, 2010 at 08:58PM 
Our family vacation is next week and I am afraid. Very afraid. Sure, the lighting and whining over who gets the airplane window, rollaway bed and chocolate on the pillow incites a subtle dread, but that’s not it. A steady diet of French fries, chocolate chip cookies and multiple sightseeing caramel lattes doesn’t even worry me anymore. Go on vacation, gain five pounds is the norm.
It’s not even a fear of flying, although there’s nothing like bouncing through a thunderstorm to make me wish I were at home folding laundry. No, I am deeply afraid of luggage. ere’s always some movie moment drama and frankly I’m just not up to it.
Eleven years ago, before I was married, my parents took me on a trip to Costa Rica via Miami. When I arrived in the Miami Airport, I met up with my family, grabbed my purple du. e bag and headed to our hotel in South Beach. Later that night, I discovered that my luggage lock wouldn’t open because, lo and behold, it wasn’t my bag! A" er spending an hour on the phone with the airlines, I discovered that a man had mistakenly taken my bag, too. I wasn’t the only dufus at the luggage carousel.
Another hour on hold and it was revealed that Mr. Purple Du. e Bag was staying in our hotel, one - oor directly above me. My head swirled. - is was obviously fate, a “Sleepless in Seattle” in Miami. I rushed down to the front desk with his bag. My bag was there but no cute guy was next to it. A" er interrogating the desk clerk, I found out that Mr. Purple was headed to Chile with his girlfriend. - at was a whole lot of anxiety over nothing.
Since then, I’ve had a few lost bags but nothing too dramatic until last summer when we traveled to Brooklyn to visit my husband’s family. My daughter and I packed up my computer, her stu. ed bear and sassy out. ts and spent the night at my girlfriend’s apartment in Greenwich Village. - e next day, we met up with my husband who took our bags and put them in the navy mini-van in the public garage.
What a beautiful day in Manhattan, until we got home and there was no luggage in the van. Obviously stolen, I had a meltdown of the . rst degree.
To make a long and painful story short, my husband put our luggage in the wrong blue mini-van. - e person discovered it when they got home to Ramsey, N.J., and found their van . lled with a stu. ed bear and silver suitcase. My husband and I drove to this honest man’s house to get my stu. . - is movie moment was more like “Shutter Island” where my husband escaped a near-death experience.
Everyone knows that things happen in threes which is why I’m slightly nervous packing my bags. What will I lose this time? More importantly, what is the lesson? Don’t check luggage? Like that’s going to happen with two kids and a husband who wears three shirts a day.
I’m going to stick with my grandmother’s adage. “Pack a clean pair of underwear and tooth brush in your purse, and you’ll always be fresh.” I need this vacation to be drama free. Less “National Lampoon’s Vacation,” more “Princess Diaries.” A little “Eat Pray Love,” wouldn’t hurt either.
Thanks for the therapy session. I feel ready to face the carousel with glasses in hand and a fully stocked purse, just in case this devil needs to wear Prada.
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