by Francine Weinberg
Johnny, you're so hot, claimed Rielle Hunter as she rounded a corner and saw her baby daddy and future disgraced presidential candidate, John Edwards on first sight.
There have been women like Rielle Hunter (aka Lisa Drucker) and men like John Edwards since the beginning of time. There will be many more until the end-12/12/12 according to people who live off the grid and History Channel.
Truth be told I’m fascinated with Rielle. I knew her in various spiritual circles in the 90’s. A nice gal who must have had some serious tricks in the bedroom. She has enticed many men along the way. She snagged a rich husband (#1), inspired a famous novelist Jay McInerney and took down a presidential player. That is quite a curriculum vita.
I am a self-declared wannabe. I’ve inspired no novelists, not been interviewed by Oprah and I sleep with a non-famous Johnny of my own. Before I was married, I had a flirtation with a semi famous man at a job who was living with another woman at the time. (I will only reveal his name on my Oprah appearance)
He and I had a lot of chemistry and I would’ve liked to have had that electric and dangerous liaison, as did Johnny and Rielle. He too told me how miserable he was in his relationship and how verbally abusive his girlfriend was to him (I swear). I told him when you and your girlfriend have broken up then we can explore our relationship. They eventually did breakup, he dated most of southern California, along with me, and I moved on realizing he was just one of the many emotionally unavailable dysfunctional men.
Johnny We women want to know how could you?
Maybe someday Lisa and Johnny will fade into obscurity and resurface working at Starbucks. We could order a chai latte from Lisa and say I’ll take that with soy milk, no almond milk no no no make that coconut milk. We can watch, as Johnny has to keep dumping out the milk from the metal pitcher and start over again.
A more likely scenario is that Rielle will get a talk show (She is unflappable-Did anyone see her on The View?) and Johnny will find a cause in a Jimmy Carter-esque way. As usual, I’m grateful for my anonymous mediocrity and my own wonderful Johnny (He hates to be called that) who is devoted, loving and still rocks my world.